officialunitedstates:

you:  tries to roast me with a lame yo mama joke

me:  looks you up on ancestry.com, finds out that your great grandmother was banished from her lithuianian village because no one liked her, writes a six page allegorical story that roasts your great grandmother, then reads it to your significant other to get them to despise you

(via chocolatehealsallwounds)

ironriots:

awfulbanter:

forgetting hot beverages and remembering them when they are cold beverages is a cruel reminder of the passage of time and how it can appear like nothing has changed but it has 

but it has 

oh my god thank u for this post i just remembered my tea

(Source: awfulhappy, via tbotofficial)

cravings:

"go outside"

"ok"

image

(Source: cravings, via chocolatehealsallwounds)

destispell:

men: rape jokes hahaha! beating women haha! lol make me a sandwich whore! put on makeup fugly! hahaha!

women: those aren’t funny.

men: lighten up, it’s a joke wow must be on her period women are so emotional lol

women: i drink the tears of men, haha!

men: hOW DARE YOU. HOW DARE YOU PROMOTE THE SUFFERING OF US MEN? DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAVE DONE FOR YOU? YOU WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT US. THATS NOT FUNNY AT ALL

(via chocolatehealsallwounds)

destispell:

men: rape jokes hahaha! beating women haha! lol make me a sandwich whore! put on makeup fugly! hahaha!

women: those aren’t funny.

men: lighten up, it’s a joke wow must be on her period women are so emotional lol

women: i drink the tears of men, haha!

men: hOW DARE YOU. HOW DARE YOU PROMOTE THE SUFFERING OF US MEN? DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAVE DONE FOR YOU? YOU WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT US. THATS NOT FUNNY AT ALL

(via chocolatehealsallwounds)

luxvriously:

My anaconda will consider it

(via chocolatehealsallwounds)

(Source: tastefullyoffensive, via chocolatehealsallwounds)

air-catcher:

oinkwiping:

Updated marriage equality map! Congrats Michigan!!

wisconsin we have you surrounded just surrender already

air-catcher:

oinkwiping:

Updated marriage equality map! Congrats Michigan!!

wisconsin we have you surrounded just surrender already

(via chocolatehealsallwounds)

wank-stains:

Is tumblr fucking up for anyone else? Like my posts aren’t getting any notes

(via tbotofficial)

(Source: totoro-is-my-neighbor, via chikar-a)

4ugu:

aki chan!

4ugu:

aki chan!

(via kotoji)

patientlights:

Just cleaned my laptop screen for the first time in 6 months

image

(via tbotofficial)

tastefullyoffensive:

[video]

(via tbotofficial)

Unlikely things to hear on a TV talent show

(Source: plutoandpersephone, via tbotofficial)

colourthesunset:

Dara O’Briain knows his shit.

colourthesunset:

Dara O’Briain knows his shit.

(via tbotofficial)